{"id":377,"date":"2011-04-15T20:00:00","date_gmt":"2011-04-16T03:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.argee.net\/wordpress\/?p=377"},"modified":"2011-04-15T20:00:00","modified_gmt":"2011-04-16T03:00:00","slug":"when-words-dont-fail","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thrawnrickle.com\/?p=377","title":{"rendered":"When words don&#8217;t fail"},"content":{"rendered":"\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"mr_social_sharing_wrapper\">\n\t\t\t\t<!-- Social Sharing Toolkit v2.2 --><span class=\"mr_social_sharing\"><span style=\"display: inline-block; width: 51px; height: 21px; overflow: hidden;\"><div class=\"fb-like\" data-href=\"https:\/\/thrawnrickle.com\/?p=377\" data-send=\"false\" data-width=\"51\" data-show-faces=\"false\"><\/div><\/span><\/span><span class=\"mr_social_sharing\"><fb:share-button type=\"button\" href=\"https:\/\/thrawnrickle.com\/?p=377\"><\/fb:share-button><\/span><span class=\"mr_social_sharing\"><a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/share\" class=\"twitter-share-button\" data-count=\"none\" data-url=\"https:\/\/thrawnrickle.com\/?p=377\" data-text=\"When words don\u2019t fail\"><\/a><\/span><span class=\"mr_social_sharing\"><div class=\"g-plusone\" data-size=\"medium\" data-annotation=\"none\" data-href=\"https:\/\/thrawnrickle.com\/?p=377\"><\/div><\/span><span class=\"mr_social_sharing\"><a class=\"mr_social_share_digg\" href=\"http:\/\/digg.com\/submit?url=https%3A%2F%2Fthrawnrickle.com%2F%3Fp%3D377&amp;title=When+words+don%E2%80%99t+fail\" class=\"mr_social_sharing_popup_link\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/thrawnrickle.com\/wp-content\/plugins\/social-sharing-toolkit\/images\/buttons\/digg.png\" class=\"nopin\" alt=\"Digg This\" title=\"Digg This\"\/><\/a><\/span><span class=\"mr_social_sharing\"><a class=\"mr_social_share_reddit\" href=\"http:\/\/www.reddit.com\/submit?url=https%3A%2F%2Fthrawnrickle.com%2F%3Fp%3D377\" class=\"mr_social_sharing_popup_link\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/thrawnrickle.com\/wp-content\/plugins\/social-sharing-toolkit\/images\/buttons\/reddit.png\" class=\"nopin\" alt=\"Submit to reddit\" title=\"Submit to reddit\"\/><\/a><\/span><span class=\"mr_social_sharing\"><a rel=\"nofollow\" class=\"linksalpha_button linksalpha_link\" href=\"\/\/www.linksalpha.com\/social\/mobile\" data-url=\"https:\/\/thrawnrickle.com\/?p=377\" data-text=\"When words don\u2019t fail\" data-desc=\"This letter is\u00a0PC Magazine's\u00a02007 editors' choice for best Webmail-award-winning letter.Dear Mr. Thatcher:I have been a loyal user of your \u201cAlways\u201d maxi-pads for over 20 years, and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak-Guard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd\" data-image=\"\" data-button=\"\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<img decoding=\"async\" src=\"\/\/www.linksalpha.com\/images\/social_share_button.png\" alt=\"Share\" class=\"linksalpha_image\" \/>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/a><script type=\"text\/javascript\" src=\"\/\/www.linksalpha.com\/scripts\/loader_iconbox.js?v=2.4\"><\/script><\/span><\/div><p><span class=\"Apple-style-span\" style=\"font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica; font-size: 11px; \"><\/p>\n<p class=\"preamble\" sourceindex=\"500\" style=\"font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 10px; font-weight: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 153); margin-right: 5em; margin-bottom: auto; margin-left: 5em; margin-top: auto; font-style: italic; \">This letter is&nbsp;<em sourceindex=\"501\">PC Magazine&#8217;s<\/em>&nbsp;2007 editors&#8217; choice for best Webmail-award-winning letter.<\/p>\n<p sourceindex=\"502\" style=\"font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; font-weight: normal; color: black; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-top: 6px; \">Dear Mr. Thatcher:<\/p>\n<p sourceindex=\"503\" style=\"font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; font-weight: normal; color: black; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-top: 6px; \">I have been a loyal user of your \u201cAlways\u201d maxi-pads for over 20 years, and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak-Guard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I&#8217;d probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I&#8217;d certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts.<\/p>\n<p sourceindex=\"504\" style=\"font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; font-weight: normal; color: black; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-top: 6px; \">But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flex-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi-pads be aerodynamic. I can&#8217; t tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there&#8217;s a little F-16 in my pants.<\/p>\n<p sourceindex=\"505\" style=\"font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; font-weight: normal; color: black; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-top: 6px; \">Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from \u201cthe curse\u201d? I&#8217;m guessing you haven&#8217;t. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I&#8217;ll be transformed into what my husband likes to call \u201can inbred hillbilly with knife skills.\u201d Isn&#8217;t the human body amazing?<\/p>\n<p sourceindex=\"506\" style=\"font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; font-weight: normal; color: black; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-top: 6px; \">As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you&#8217;ve no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers\u2019 monthly visits from \u201cAunt Flo.\u201d Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it&#8217;s a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend&#8217;s testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey&#8217;s Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy! The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants&#8230;which brings me to the reason for my letter.<\/p>\n<p sourceindex=\"507\" style=\"font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; font-weight: normal; color: black; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-top: 6px; \">Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words, \u201cHave a Happy Period.\u201d<\/p>\n<p sourceindex=\"508\" style=\"font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; font-weight: normal; color: black; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-top: 6px; \">Are you fu**ing kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness \u2014 actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well\u2026did it, James?<\/p>\n<p sourceindex=\"509\" style=\"font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; font-weight: normal; color: black; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-top: 6px; \">FYI, unless you&#8217;re some kind of sick S&amp;M freak girl, there will never be anything \u201chappy\u201d about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don&#8217;t march down to the local Walgreen&#8217;s armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory. For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi-pad, wouldn&#8217;t it make more sense to say something that&#8217;s actually pertinent, like \u201cPut Down the Hammer\u201d or \u201cVehicular Manslaughter is Wrong,\u201d or are you just picking on us?<\/p>\n<p sourceindex=\"510\" style=\"font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; font-weight: normal; color: black; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-top: 6px; \">Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bull sh*t. And that&#8217;s a promise I will keep. Always.<\/p>\n<p sourceindex=\"511\" siber__q92dpb7seovvtbh5__vptr=\"5af8800\" style=\"font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; font-weight: normal; color: black; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-top: 6px; \">Best,<br sourceindex=\"512\">Wendi Aarons<br sourceindex=\"513\">Austin, TX<\/p>\n<p><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"mr_social_sharing_wrapper\">\n\t\t\t\t<!-- Social Sharing Toolkit v2.2 --><span class=\"mr_social_sharing\"><span style=\"display: inline-block; width: 51px; height: 21px; overflow: hidden;\"><div class=\"fb-like\" data-href=\"https:\/\/thrawnrickle.com\/?p=377\" data-send=\"false\" data-width=\"51\" data-show-faces=\"false\"><\/div><\/span><\/span><span class=\"mr_social_sharing\"><fb:share-button type=\"button\" href=\"https:\/\/thrawnrickle.com\/?p=377\"><\/fb:share-button><\/span><span class=\"mr_social_sharing\"><a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/share\" class=\"twitter-share-button\" data-count=\"none\" data-url=\"https:\/\/thrawnrickle.com\/?p=377\" data-text=\"When words don\u2019t fail\"><\/a><\/span><span class=\"mr_social_sharing\"><div class=\"g-plusone\" data-size=\"medium\" data-annotation=\"none\" data-href=\"https:\/\/thrawnrickle.com\/?p=377\"><\/div><\/span><span class=\"mr_social_sharing\"><a class=\"mr_social_share_digg\" href=\"http:\/\/digg.com\/submit?url=https%3A%2F%2Fthrawnrickle.com%2F%3Fp%3D377&amp;title=When+words+don%E2%80%99t+fail\" class=\"mr_social_sharing_popup_link\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/thrawnrickle.com\/wp-content\/plugins\/social-sharing-toolkit\/images\/buttons\/digg.png\" class=\"nopin\" alt=\"Digg This\" title=\"Digg This\"\/><\/a><\/span><span class=\"mr_social_sharing\"><a class=\"mr_social_share_reddit\" href=\"http:\/\/www.reddit.com\/submit?url=https%3A%2F%2Fthrawnrickle.com%2F%3Fp%3D377\" class=\"mr_social_sharing_popup_link\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/thrawnrickle.com\/wp-content\/plugins\/social-sharing-toolkit\/images\/buttons\/reddit.png\" class=\"nopin\" alt=\"Submit to reddit\" title=\"Submit to reddit\"\/><\/a><\/span><span class=\"mr_social_sharing\"><a rel=\"nofollow\" class=\"linksalpha_button linksalpha_link\" href=\"\/\/www.linksalpha.com\/social\/mobile\" data-url=\"https:\/\/thrawnrickle.com\/?p=377\" data-text=\"When words don\u2019t fail\" data-desc=\"This letter is\u00a0PC Magazine's\u00a02007 editors' choice for best Webmail-award-winning letter.Dear Mr. Thatcher:I have been a loyal user of your \u201cAlways\u201d maxi-pads for over 20 years, and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak-Guard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd\" data-image=\"\" data-button=\"\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<img decoding=\"async\" src=\"\/\/www.linksalpha.com\/images\/social_share_button.png\" alt=\"Share\" class=\"linksalpha_image\" \/>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/a><script type=\"text\/javascript\" src=\"\/\/www.linksalpha.com\/scripts\/loader_iconbox.js?v=2.4\"><\/script><\/span><\/div><p>This is an ACTUAL letter from an Austin woman sent to Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[18,7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-377","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-commerce","category-humor"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t<!-- All in One SEO 5.0.3 - aioseo.com -->\n\t<meta name=\"description\" content=\"This is an ACTUAL letter from an Austin woman sent to Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products.\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"max-image-preview:large\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Robert Williscroft\"\/>\n\t<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/thrawnrickle.com\/?p=377\" \/>\n\t\t<meta name=\"generator\" content=\"All in One SEO (AIOSEO) 5.0.3\" \/>\n\t\t<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n\t\t<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"The Thrawn Rickle - 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